My husband and I had struggled with infertility for a little over a year and a half. When we were finally able to get pregnant, it ended in a heartbreaking miscarriage. Honestly I didn't know if I was going to make it through such hurt. I know miscarriages and infertility are common things, but for some reason I couldn't shake that I had lost one of my precious babies, or that something had to have been completely wrong with me. We went from feeling so much confusion and frustration from our infertility, to feeling being so insanely over excited to finally be expecting, and then to complete heartbreak and devistation from our miscarriage. Things had been a rollercoaster to say the least.
I will admit it was extremely hard for me to watch others around me get pregnant, have babies, or even be asked "when are you and your husband goling to have kids." Luckily I had so many loved ones around me who supported me and gave me so many words of advice. I have been blessed with some amazing sister in laws. We all get a long so well, and I am so grateful to have them as apart of my family. It wasn't until one day, one of my sister in law's, and I consider her one of my biggest role models, gave me the best advice. I asked her how she made it through her infertility days and she said, "Kenzie I will admit there are days that are hard, but I can't help but think that God wants me to have a little more time alone with my sweetheart."
In that moment my entire perspective changed. Everthing that happens in this life happens for a reason, and it is all apart of God's plan for us. I am a firm believer that trials are not only to make us stronger, but they are to help us have more sympathy for those who have gone through silimilar circumstances Infertility doesn't make you weak, and it doesn't mean that "something is wrong with you," like I had thought all along.
My husband asked me the other day if I could go back would I change how things had turned out. If a baby could have come sooner, would I wish I could have had that choice. My answer was a firm no. I wouldn't change the years I had alone with him, and the strenght and friendships I built through that trial.
After our miscarriage my Dr. finally recommended we started looking into basic infertility treatments. He gave us our options and suggested that we start with the most inexpensive treatments first. Long story short we are now expecting a little boy in October and we both could not be more excited! I won't lie because of my past I am still full of a lot of fear, but I feel so blessed to not only be where I am, but I am grateful for where I have been. I am the person I am today because of the journey that got me here today.
I am not 32 weeks pregnant, and it is so crazy to look back on our journey. Pregnancy is one of the most empowering, spiritual, and probably one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced! To know that my body is literally growing a human inside of me literally blows my mind! From him hiccuping like crazy or to him stretching from one side of my body to the other, you can't help but feel a little closer to heaven.
My shirt: Shop Stevie
My watch: A special Iron Beacon customized watch
Neclaces: Made By Mary